I am a very loving person. I think you should know that from the start. I love my family, I feel for hurt animals and I get a little goofy over babies. It does not take a cold-hearted person to say the things I want to mention now.

Joseph Fletcher popularized the concept of situation ethics many years ago. It basically says that the situation is what should be allowed to determine what is ethical. That notion has been taught openly and covertly for long enough that many today who would not even think of falling for the extreme uses of it are accepting it incrementally. I say incrementally because it is not possible to let the nose of the camel in the tent without, eventually, being pushed out in the cold yourself.

Many of us have let down our guard notably in the area of child-rearing. The rules we set to govern our children’s behavior are the building blocks of their adult philosophies on life. If we compromise on those principles we are undermining their loyalty to God’s absolutes. Now that I have you firmly on my side in theory let me explain what I mean.

A parent lays down the law. It could be "Don’t tell me ‘no’" or "You will not be allowed to throw a tantrum" or "You must obey the first time I say it." Then a situation arises in which it is not easy for the child to comply. Perhaps they are tired or not feeling well. What is the impact to that child when we excuse and gloss over disobedience because of our sympathies? This does not mean you cannot feel for them in their difficulty or that discipline should be without compassion, but if a standard is not held to in the face of adversity, then it is no real standard.

Consider for a moment the principles of endurance by which we must live. A life which is lived well is not an easy one. The coward goes through his days never taking a stand and without firm roots (James 1:2-8). That is not our calling. When God tested Abraham it was not easy for him to obediently offer Isaac. He could have "reasoned" why he should not obey under those circumstances, but that would have shown a lack of faith (Heb. 11:17). Daniel’s three friends, Hananiah, Mishael and Azariah wouldn’t bow to the unrighteous wishes of the King even to save their lives (Dan 3:16-18). Paul, along with many martyred Christians had the same concept (Acts 20:24; Rev. 2:10). If something is wrong then it is wrong, and no amount of rationalizing can justify giving in.

I believe it would be easier for me to sacrifice personally for the sake of principle than to watch those in my family suffer for the same cause. I would want to give in just to save them the pain, but that would be a selfish response. I know that were the tables reversed, I would rather die than be the cause of any sin on their part. Consider what would actually be best for them. The answer to compromise is to look at the larger picture. Hebrews 12:11 shows that it is the long range goal which is best met when we dispense fair, accurate and meaningful discipline. Failure to do so does not show our love for them, but rather hate (Prov. 13:24).

If you find yourself waiting until the situation arises to make a ruling on it’s allowability, you may be falling prey to situation ethics. If you have come to a reasoned and prayerful stand on an issue, please do not be swayed by those who say "Wait until your child does such-and-such; then you’ll change your mind about it." It is possible that you have overlooked some valid points, but it is equally valid, if not more so in my experience, that those people are looking to excuse themselves for not sticking to their own guns. This is not to say that you should never concede a rule when it has been proven invalid, but there should be a concrete basis for that change, and the children should be informed of the binding nature of the revision. Make sure your principles are God’s standard, then live by them. Is this idealistic? Yes! Why should we aim for anything less than the ideal.

If you do not want your child to grow up to be an adult who makes excuses for their shortcomings, then don’t start by planting that concept in their little heads now. Teach them instead that perseverance, watchfulness and responsibility are what is expected of them (James 1:2-4). Many people have tragic events that help to mold their lives. The key is in how they choose to react to them. These difficulties should be an occasion for them to develop faith and self-control, attributes which we all greatly need. Having sympathy for their situation does not mean they should not be held accountable for the choices they make.